Got named Miss World Traveller twice in a roll. I am really flattered and it has been making more sense to me that I am called that way. I literally have friends everywhere. The best part is, I try my very best to keep in touch with ones who try to keep in touch with me also, or the ones who I see worth keeping contact with. In the perfect world, all of my good friends from around the world will gather together at a dinner table and talk about our travelling experiences, all juts experiences in general. ALl of my good friends are great, good-heated and considerate people. That is why I have no reservation of joy or myself for them. I know I can count on them and I am learning to let people count on me as well, which is something i never really did when i was younger. I lost some good friends and I knew i needed to change. So I did. And I have been seeing good results.
After travelling between Hong Kong, Germany and the US, meeting guys from different cultures, as much as I considered myself with an American mindset, I enjoy being with guys who are different from me. As in more reserved, those who listen more and talk less, and most importantly, not blunt with their intentions. The mike guy (Vitaly friend) is the opposite, I thought he was cute and interesting, but I was def turned off by is blunt courtship which i consider rude and inconsiderate. I guess after being with Jakob, Markus, Benny, and Justin, I have slowly learn that I;d like to be the one whos in control of the conversation. No so much that I want to be the one who just talk, but as least have a fair share in the convo. I enjoy asking questions. (obviously not too much) Mike simply reminds me of my EX. Granted, I don’t know him well to judge him. All i know is, I just want to finish my last sem with good grades. If I do meet some one who is interested and RESPECTFUL, i would not mind a relationship. But with a guy like this who takes things so lightly, he can go suck a dick.
Going back to Ms. S, The story of Mr,. J and Ms. S came to my mind. I really enjoy the story she told me and how she fell in love with a world traveller, who seems not to be tied down by any commitment or responsbility; a nomad who can just fall in love with anyone on the road and had the best most romantic conversation and nights with the girls he meets while travelling. A guy like him will always have girls giving their bodies away to him, as if shes the one for him. There are too many “the one” for this guy. In our girls’ heads, we tend to romanticize things. Given such a romantic, foreign and adventurous setting, it is hard not to fall in love with a foreigner who you find attractive. ALso given the mindset you have while you are travelling by yourself, any new encounters, excitement, adventures, restrictions and risks suddenly don’t seem so impossible and scary any more, because you are on the road.
When I was in Germany, I fell for someone. I knew that was just short-term and i knew that wasn’t love. But my body didn’t react align with my head. My body told me i was in love, while my head kept reassuring me otherwise. I didn’t hold back my feelings i let it out like newbourn baby being pushed by his squeaking mother. I kissed him and called him up because I allowed myself. too. Thankfully, i chose the right place to be abroad and I encounter the right person.
Missed opportunities are not the events that define us.
I wrote about Lorde’s hit, and how it’s mainly about the experience of having weird values from another culture enter your life through pop music.
Everything we were taught about aging is all in our minds. Eternal youth.
I fucking love this post.
I want to be this awesome when I’m old!
Sometimes it’s crazy how you just know exactly who you want to be with. SO many fish out there but once you find the ONE, you just know it. You know it because “that person” makes you happy; you giggle when you talk to “that person”, that “that person” won’t judge for what you said, and will laugh when ”that person” knows that you think ”that person” is judging you and be like “go ahead, it’s fine.”. You know ”that person” is the ONE even if “that person” might not end up being the one you marry to, but, still, you don’t care. You just want to hold on to every moment with ”that person”. When you are travelling abroad, especially, you want to hold ”that person” close and tell ”that person” how nice it would be to sleep next to ”that person”; to snuggle with ”that person”; and to watch ”that person” falls asleep.
You don’t know if that’s going to last forever, but at that moment you have everything in the world a human being can get. ”That person” is so easy to get along with. You feel asexual with ”that person” because it’s more than just the physical lust. It’s also the spiritual connection, the mutual goofiness, and the similar kind of ambitions.
You feel stressless talking to ”that person” on skype, on facetime, or in person. You still feel a bit nervous because of the feelings and affection you have towards “that person”. You know if you two do hang out again, it would be fun, chill and real . You and ”that person” are so different; and yet, so similar that you both share similar core values. You and ”that person” are pretty much on the same page of the most important things. You and ”that person” are growing together, see things differently than most of the people you meet in class, on the street, or while you are travelling.
You miss ”that person” all the time, but that’s ok coz that’s the most normal thing in the world you could do when you are vaguely in love. Maybe not in love, but it;s just because you don’t know it yet, and that you and ”that person” are not at the same place right now.
When ”that person” told you ”that person” might be seeing someone, you are not worried at all. Because if ”that person” does work out with the other person, that’s mean “that person” is not the ONE for you. But if not, ”that person” will always come back to you because you are special to ”that person”. The freedom of love and to choose is a great radar, actually.
I want to say i love ”that person” already but i can’t yet. But i def like hearing from ”that person”, talking to ”that person” and seeing ”that person“‘s face pops up on my laptop. Even though ”that person” is far from reach, hearing ”that person“‘s voice and ”that person“‘s laugh always make me happy. Are these good explanations/definitions for soul mates?
We pay so much for college to learn what we don’t like and unlearn what we know in the past.
I guess I am getting tired of constantly pondering over what I want to do evenutally once I graduate. I stopped thinking about my future career like three days ago. I can’t let my brain overload with shit like this.
I am totally going to play guitar once I am down with the couchsurfing social event today. I have a lot in mind and I need to use blog as a way to help my thinking flows. Btw, my feet stinks.
Today is like one of the usual days, I got done with what Karl needed me to do every day about the cash flow thing, which is basically no difference from database entry. It gets more and more boring when time passes. The first day I was so grateful that I finally got some work to do. But human beings are by nature selfish bitches. Obviously, I am not content with that since I am still given the same work every day. I guess it’s better than nothing but I would still like some diversity in work.
No longer looking forward to seeing the cute guy at work since he no longer passes by where I sit anymore nor does he runs into me as often as before anymore. Other than feeling a little bitter, I can’t really find another feeling towards it. Also, I am no longer looking forward to seeing Justin’s message anymore. Well, not exactly not any more but more like less looking forward to his response. It has already been a few days since I sent him the message. Normally I won;t freak out xoz i am cool with giving him time. But I think probably I haven’t been feeling him as much anymore I assume his is feeling the same, which is not feeling much about me anymore. Am I upset? Granted, a little bit. Is this unexpected? Not at all. Like a I said, I have been secretly and unconsciously waiting for this day to come. He has either met another girl, or I am already outta his life. I know it’s selfish to want to have him around even though I don’t really have feelings for him anymore. I just enjoy being needed or being thought of. I need someone thinking about me to prove my existence. I am so pathetic. I really hope the confusion i am having right now will diminish as time goes by.
So yeah, I kind of miss him but I am not sure about us being together again. He might very possibly seeing other girls. But it’s okay. Whether I will meet a guy or not in Germany or somewhere else, his life belongs to his.
I still need to think about the classes I should take for the coming semester. I need to make sure my German visa is going to be ready by the time I leave. I need to go get checked and I need to call the airline to confirm the date. Also, i need to think of the classes I ‘d like to take for the next semester. I need to check all my emails.
I need to further develop my hobbies. As if now, they are playing guitar and drawing.
from The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein