Now Playing Tracks

Windsurfing class 10/4/2014

I had my first windsurfing class today. Windsurfing is as hard as I expected but I am quite surprised by how i managed to pick up the outhaul so easily. When we did our first swim test I almost had a panic attack. I was told to swim in a pool of filthy-looking seaweed-rich seawater. I have never swam in anything that I cannot see what’s underneath. Maybe that one time at Lake Powell, where I almost drowned myself. From then on, I swore to God I will never to that again. 

After speaking to the German girl, izzy, who described the levels of fear to me and suggested to me that I should start from the first level of fear, I was a little shaken. I thought about conquering my fear and try surfing at least once before I leave San Diego. After giving it a second thought though I figure I am better off living with the regret of not surfing than killing myself. 

When I went home I just plunged into the couch and went on a two-hour long slumber party with the TV. Then I slept for another two hours, waking up to dawn. When I woke up though, I was thinking of Mike. In fact, I have been thinking about him even since he confessed to me on thursday how he thought we could be happy together. I was a little bit touched and swayed by his persistent pursuit/endeavour. I don’t know tip this date if he was being entirely genuine. If he was, then I must say I felt a little bit ticklish deep inside. I am still waiting days pass by to understand my feeling better. it could just be a phase. I went through phases where I couldn’t stop thinking about Thys, oscar, jasper, and George. Yes I think it’s fair to say that I am kind of boy crazy. I don t deny the fact that I miss having someone around. I imagine having Mike over to my house and we will just study and chill together. I don’t want to have sex with him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to have an intimate companion. I don’t have much feeling for him doesn’t make me a strong woman who doesn’t yearn for a man’s embrace. 

I know everything is going to be alright. I just cannot help but feel a little sentimental about the past and my future. My memories here with my friends and also the people I have been with. America has given me a lot and taught me a lot about myself. I will miss this place but it seems like its about time for home, or a change. 

COuchsurfing has been really fun. Meeting the German girl was quite alright, she is smart and beautiful. Her look fits in what the world perceive as beautiful- curly blonde hair, blue eyes, caucasian. The world is unfair but there is no point of dwelling on it. She is a med student doing research in USD. She is probably overjoyed by all the attention American boys are giving her. I definitely had gone through that phase when I thought I was the most special person in the room. Very soon, she will realise things are not what she had expected, and that breaking up with a guy who loves her dearly might be a mistake, or not. She is young and adventurous, i like her spirit but I can also sense that innocence youth that somehow might take her down a little. She will be fine. 

I took Tanya to teresa’s party last night. It was quite enjoyable. People are pretty cool but I am not very interested in mingling with everyone. I am not interested in everyone as I used to. Its a very nice feeling in fact. Peter was very nice and chill. I would not mind spending more time with him. The moments when he plunges into his deep thoughts, i could not help but laugh. It looks so genuine and yet so ironically pretentious. 

I picked Tanya up because I really appreciate her being the DD all the time and not being able to get drunk. We went to in-and-out I wasn’t even hungry but i thought it would be nice to take her there. We had some nice chat. Turns out everyone has his/her own little struggle. Some people jut choose not to show it. 

Tracing back to Tuesday and Wednesday, hosting George and Alex was probably one of the best decision I made. They are very easy-going, well-mannered (typical British guys) and funny. I took them out to Super covina for some Mexican breakfast. I did pay for Alex, not because I was willing to, but what could I have done in that situation?Geroge is even more witty. He is funny the most important thing is he could handle my jokes. I like it when people can react to my humour without make a fool out of me. I hope to visit them one day in devon, however, my concern is my English is going to deteriorate for sure. Oh well. Life is too short for all these worries. 

I need to get to work now. I need to learn how to focus and pick up on my studies. I sort of let loose and let myself forget about how to be a good student. 

Love and Peace. 

Things I NEED to get adjust to

1. Have more safe sex

2. Go out and have fun

3. meet more guys

4. don’t give heads

5. do you own thing- try out as many things as possible-writing, art, research, excel, dancing, pole dancing, make money plan, volunteer

6. Stop thinking about guy thing. (the past two weeks that was all i think about. I hated my life and felt incredibly lonely then, I wanted to see my family so bad but i realize now i would not wanna trade my freedom here for anything)

7. No expectation doesnt mean you have to expect the worst.

8. Never reply on anyone. YOU are the person you can rely on. But that doesn’t mean you should not reach out to people when you need help

I should have more safe sex and get it out of my system. Don’t be too serious and have fun.  YOU are just 23! You have til 28 to be wild like 5 more years. Only be serious with the right guy. When he is the right one you will know he will let your heart sink.

Justin: I dare you to be alone sometimes. Justin is a great guy and you know it.  Mike never responded to my question if we should be exclusive or not. Til this date. Not sure if thats a denial or just that he forgot. I will assume the worst- we are  NOT exclusive. I can do and meet who ever the fuck I want. 

One the other hand, stay young. Lyft driver told me that a lot of her friends in their 30s have good careers, nice cars and houses, but they aren’t really that happy. They act like they are in their 30s. While she likes to stay young and not settle on one thing. Mike always reiterates that he’s a grown man and my friends are immature, and that students from state are kids. Well, suck it the best thing you can do is to be young at heart and be able to smile/laugh. Also, there are a lot of men out there, according to her, a lot of guys are just not qualified/of low quality. (in terms of personality and composure)

Lyft driver is going to spend a day in the library to work on mixology. She is going to start a blog teaching people how to mix drinks. Her philosophy is that given that technology is so advanced these days everyone can learn anything online. I love her mentality. despite all these, she has a bf for 8 years. That proves that if you are with the right guy you can handle relationship and work together.

After she quit her job as a researcher for 6 years, she tried out different things, such as retail, working at a grocery store, and finally stumbled upon graphic designs and eventually had her own company. She started off posting on craiglist for people who need graphic designs help at a low cost, then business started rolling in. She self-taught everything and her expertise in research definitely helped her out a lot. She learnt her shit althought she joked about not knowing what the hell she was talking about half of the time. She cited the Entrepreneur of Virgin America Richard Branson, most of the time he learned what he needed to know right before he meets with his client. Sounds familiar? Yup just like me. I just need to be informed of what I want to do so I can bullshit it well.

Hard work is crucial for success too. You really need to devote time to work towards your goal. Like the girl from Lyft, she tried to learn what she needs to know WHENEVER SHE HAS TIME. People don’t just sit around and let the thoughts of guys fill up the space in their heads. Also, the guy, david, I met at Les states, he devoted a 1-2 years on the school program that would bring him money. I need to look into etsy too. I need to be a dreamer but a realistic one.

Yesterday I met up with Noah, a couching friend from Norway. We had a really pleasant day together, for the first time without much help from other people I was able to drive around from SDSU to downtown. We took a stroll around seaport village. The weather was beautiful it made everything better. Unfortunately, on my way up to state I almost got into a car accident. Noah was right, I should never say I am not lucky anymore. Thanks to my luck I save $750. Anyways, I met Noah’s friend -Peace. He is the cutest black guy I have ever met. He looks exactly like Will Smith. He has the brightest smile, the one that makes you smile too. You can tell he is a very genuine person, he even invited to Mexico with them. According to Noah, he is in the phase of finding more about himself and he doesn’t do things that don;t make him happy. There are simply so many cool, interesting, and positive people out there. At one point we got into the conversation about fear. Fear, to him, stands for false evidence appearing real. Crazy huh? In the blink of an eye, he was able to drop something so substantial and powerful. I will never forget that. He already has it figured out. I really would love to talk to him about that and be totally inspired. The reason why i don’t think I can become a journalist is the cut-throat competition. (Thats what I thought) According to Peace, though, the reason I am scared that I won’t get there is an illusion. I think I won’t make it because I assume so. Its an illusion because I haven’t really tried yet. God knows what the result would be if I had tried? That’s so true. Fear is an illusion and assumption. A lot of people fear to try but they have never tried and so they will never know if they are going to succeed. Or worse, they will never get what they want. Only a short 10 mins of conversation exhange i was able to pick up the bomb of wisdom from this young fella, who has the sweetest and widest smile in the world.

Miss World Traveller

Got named Miss World Traveller twice in a roll. I am really flattered and it has been making more sense to me that I am called that way. I literally have friends everywhere. The best part is, I try my very best to keep in touch with ones who try to keep in touch with me also, or the ones who I see worth keeping contact with. In the perfect world, all of my good friends from around the world will gather together at a dinner table and talk about our travelling experiences, all juts experiences in general. ALl of my good friends are great, good-heated and considerate people. That is why I have no reservation of joy or myself for them. I know I can count on them and I am learning to let people count on me as well, which is something i never really did when i was younger. I lost some good friends and I knew i needed to change. So I did. And I have been seeing good results.

After travelling between Hong Kong, Germany and the US, meeting guys from different cultures, as much as I considered myself with an American mindset, I enjoy being with guys who are different from me. As in more reserved, those who listen more and talk less, and most importantly, not blunt with their intentions. The mike guy (Vitaly friend) is the opposite, I thought he was cute and interesting, but I was def turned off by is blunt courtship which i consider rude and inconsiderate. I guess after being with Jakob, Markus, Benny, and Justin, I have slowly learn that I;d like to be the one whos in control of the conversation. No so much that I want to be the one who just talk, but as least have a fair share in the convo. I enjoy asking questions. (obviously not too much) Mike simply reminds me of my EX. Granted, I don’t know him well to judge him. All i know is, I just want to finish my last sem with good grades. If I do meet some one who is interested and RESPECTFUL, i would not mind a relationship. But with a guy like this who takes things so lightly, he can go suck a dick. 

Going back to Ms. S, The story of Mr,. J and Ms. S came to my mind. I really enjoy the story she told me and how she fell in love with a world traveller, who seems not to be tied down by any commitment or responsbility; a nomad who can just fall in love with anyone on the road and had the best most romantic conversation and nights with the girls he meets while travelling. A guy like him will always have girls giving their bodies away to him, as if shes the one for him. There are too many “the one” for this guy. In our girls’ heads, we tend to romanticize things. Given such a romantic, foreign and adventurous setting, it is hard not to fall in love with a foreigner who you find attractive. ALso given the mindset you have while you are travelling by yourself, any new encounters, excitement, adventures, restrictions and risks suddenly don’t seem so impossible and scary any more, because you are on the road. 

When I was in Germany, I fell for someone. I knew that was just short-term and i knew that wasn’t love. But my body didn’t react align with my head. My body told me i was in love, while my head kept reassuring me otherwise.  I didn’t hold back my feelings i let it out like newbourn baby being pushed by his squeaking mother. I kissed him and called him up because I allowed myself. too. Thankfully, i chose the right place to be abroad and I encounter the right person. 

If you grow up in the United States, it can be very easy to have no perspective on living in a culture dominated by art and media from another country. Some music from around the world seeps into mainstream American culture, but it’s never dominant, and music from abroad is made with the understanding that you have to cater to the American market to be a big star. Americans are used to the rest of the world bending over backwards to blend in with their culture, and think nothing of foreign stars from ABBA and Björk to Shakira and Phoenix singing in their second language to appeal to the English-speaking world. Americans are almost never asked to adapt, and very rarely have to feel as though their culture is being infiltrated by the value systems of foreign nations.

Lorde’s “Royals” Isn’t Anti-Rap, It’s Anti-Imperialism

I wrote about Lorde’s hit, and how it’s mainly about the experience of having weird values from another culture enter your life through pop music.

(via perpetua)

"That person"

Sometimes it’s crazy how you just know exactly who you want to be with. SO many fish out there but once you find the ONE, you just know it. You know it because “that person” makes you happy; you giggle when you talk to “that person”, that “that person” won’t judge for what you said, and will laugh when ”that person” knows that you think ”that person” is judging you and be like “go ahead, it’s fine.”. You know ”that person” is the ONE even if “that person” might not end up being the one you marry to, but, still, you don’t care. You just want to hold on to every moment with ”that person”. When you are travelling abroad, especially, you want to hold ”that person” close and tell ”that person” how nice it would be to sleep next to ”that person”; to snuggle with ”that person”; and to watch ”that person” falls asleep. 

You don’t know if that’s going to last forever, but at that moment you have everything in the world a human being can get. ”That person” is so easy to get along with. You feel asexual with ”that person” because it’s more than just the physical lust. It’s also the spiritual connection, the mutual goofiness, and the similar kind of ambitions. 

You feel stressless talking to ”that person” on skype, on facetime, or in person. You still feel a bit nervous because of the feelings and affection you have towards “that person”. You know if you two do hang out again, it would be fun, chill and real . You and ”that person” are so different; and yet, so similar that you both share similar core values. You and ”that person” are pretty much on the same page of the most important things. You and ”that person” are growing together, see things differently than most of the people you meet in class, on the street, or while you are travelling. 

You miss ”that person” all the time, but that’s ok coz that’s the most normal thing in the world you could do when you are vaguely in love. Maybe not in love, but it;s just because you don’t know it yet, and that you and ”that person” are not at the same place right now. 

When ”that person” told you ”that person” might be seeing someone, you are not worried at all. Because if ”that person” does work out with the other person, that’s mean “that person” is not the ONE for you. But if not, ”that person” will always come back to you because you are special to ”that person”. The freedom of love and to choose is a great radar, actually. 

I want to say i love ”that person” already but i can’t yet. But i def like hearing from ”that person”, talking to ”that person” and seeing ”that person“‘s face pops up on my laptop. Even though ”that person” is far from reach, hearing ”that person“‘s voice and ”that person“‘s laugh always make me happy. Are these good explanations/definitions for soul mates?

We make Tumblr themes