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Things I NEED to get adjust to

1. Have more safe sex

2. Go out and have fun

3. meet more guys

4. don’t give heads

5. do you own thing- try out as many things as possible-writing, art, research, excel, dancing, pole dancing, make money plan, volunteer

6. Stop thinking about guy thing. (the past two weeks that was all i think about. I hated my life and felt incredibly lonely then, I wanted to see my family so bad but i realize now i would not wanna trade my freedom here for anything)

7. No expectation doesnt mean you have to expect the worst.

8. Never reply on anyone. YOU are the person you can rely on. But that doesn’t mean you should not reach out to people when you need help

I should have more safe sex and get it out of my system. Don’t be too serious and have fun.  YOU are just 23! You have til 28 to be wild like 5 more years. Only be serious with the right guy. When he is the right one you will know he will let your heart sink.

Justin: I dare you to be alone sometimes. Justin is a great guy and you know it.  Mike never responded to my question if we should be exclusive or not. Til this date. Not sure if thats a denial or just that he forgot. I will assume the worst- we are  NOT exclusive. I can do and meet who ever the fuck I want. 

One the other hand, stay young. Lyft driver told me that a lot of her friends in their 30s have good careers, nice cars and houses, but they aren’t really that happy. They act like they are in their 30s. While she likes to stay young and not settle on one thing. Mike always reiterates that he’s a grown man and my friends are immature, and that students from state are kids. Well, suck it the best thing you can do is to be young at heart and be able to smile/laugh. Also, there are a lot of men out there, according to her, a lot of guys are just not qualified/of low quality. (in terms of personality and composure)

Lyft driver is going to spend a day in the library to work on mixology. She is going to start a blog teaching people how to mix drinks. Her philosophy is that given that technology is so advanced these days everyone can learn anything online. I love her mentality. despite all these, she has a bf for 8 years. That proves that if you are with the right guy you can handle relationship and work together.

After she quit her job as a researcher for 6 years, she tried out different things, such as retail, working at a grocery store, and finally stumbled upon graphic designs and eventually had her own company. She started off posting on craiglist for people who need graphic designs help at a low cost, then business started rolling in. She self-taught everything and her expertise in research definitely helped her out a lot. She learnt her shit althought she joked about not knowing what the hell she was talking about half of the time. She cited the Entrepreneur of Virgin America Richard Branson, most of the time he learned what he needed to know right before he meets with his client. Sounds familiar? Yup just like me. I just need to be informed of what I want to do so I can bullshit it well.

Hard work is crucial for success too. You really need to devote time to work towards your goal. Like the girl from Lyft, she tried to learn what she needs to know WHENEVER SHE HAS TIME. People don’t just sit around and let the thoughts of guys fill up the space in their heads. Also, the guy, david, I met at Les states, he devoted a 1-2 years on the school program that would bring him money. I need to look into etsy too. I need to be a dreamer but a realistic one.

Yesterday I met up with Noah, a couching friend from Norway. We had a really pleasant day together, for the first time without much help from other people I was able to drive around from SDSU to downtown. We took a stroll around seaport village. The weather was beautiful it made everything better. Unfortunately, on my way up to state I almost got into a car accident. Noah was right, I should never say I am not lucky anymore. Thanks to my luck I save $750. Anyways, I met Noah’s friend -Peace. He is the cutest black guy I have ever met. He looks exactly like Will Smith. He has the brightest smile, the one that makes you smile too. You can tell he is a very genuine person, he even invited to Mexico with them. According to Noah, he is in the phase of finding more about himself and he doesn’t do things that don;t make him happy. There are simply so many cool, interesting, and positive people out there. At one point we got into the conversation about fear. Fear, to him, stands for false evidence appearing real. Crazy huh? In the blink of an eye, he was able to drop something so substantial and powerful. I will never forget that. He already has it figured out. I really would love to talk to him about that and be totally inspired. The reason why i don’t think I can become a journalist is the cut-throat competition. (Thats what I thought) According to Peace, though, the reason I am scared that I won’t get there is an illusion. I think I won’t make it because I assume so. Its an illusion because I haven’t really tried yet. God knows what the result would be if I had tried? That’s so true. Fear is an illusion and assumption. A lot of people fear to try but they have never tried and so they will never know if they are going to succeed. Or worse, they will never get what they want. Only a short 10 mins of conversation exhange i was able to pick up the bomb of wisdom from this young fella, who has the sweetest and widest smile in the world.

Miss World Traveller

Got named Miss World Traveller twice in a roll. I am really flattered and it has been making more sense to me that I am called that way. I literally have friends everywhere. The best part is, I try my very best to keep in touch with ones who try to keep in touch with me also, or the ones who I see worth keeping contact with. In the perfect world, all of my good friends from around the world will gather together at a dinner table and talk about our travelling experiences, all juts experiences in general. ALl of my good friends are great, good-heated and considerate people. That is why I have no reservation of joy or myself for them. I know I can count on them and I am learning to let people count on me as well, which is something i never really did when i was younger. I lost some good friends and I knew i needed to change. So I did. And I have been seeing good results.

After travelling between Hong Kong, Germany and the US, meeting guys from different cultures, as much as I considered myself with an American mindset, I enjoy being with guys who are different from me. As in more reserved, those who listen more and talk less, and most importantly, not blunt with their intentions. The mike guy (Vitaly friend) is the opposite, I thought he was cute and interesting, but I was def turned off by is blunt courtship which i consider rude and inconsiderate. I guess after being with Jakob, Markus, Benny, and Justin, I have slowly learn that I;d like to be the one whos in control of the conversation. No so much that I want to be the one who just talk, but as least have a fair share in the convo. I enjoy asking questions. (obviously not too much) Mike simply reminds me of my EX. Granted, I don’t know him well to judge him. All i know is, I just want to finish my last sem with good grades. If I do meet some one who is interested and RESPECTFUL, i would not mind a relationship. But with a guy like this who takes things so lightly, he can go suck a dick. 

Going back to Ms. S, The story of Mr,. J and Ms. S came to my mind. I really enjoy the story she told me and how she fell in love with a world traveller, who seems not to be tied down by any commitment or responsbility; a nomad who can just fall in love with anyone on the road and had the best most romantic conversation and nights with the girls he meets while travelling. A guy like him will always have girls giving their bodies away to him, as if shes the one for him. There are too many “the one” for this guy. In our girls’ heads, we tend to romanticize things. Given such a romantic, foreign and adventurous setting, it is hard not to fall in love with a foreigner who you find attractive. ALso given the mindset you have while you are travelling by yourself, any new encounters, excitement, adventures, restrictions and risks suddenly don’t seem so impossible and scary any more, because you are on the road. 

When I was in Germany, I fell for someone. I knew that was just short-term and i knew that wasn’t love. But my body didn’t react align with my head. My body told me i was in love, while my head kept reassuring me otherwise.  I didn’t hold back my feelings i let it out like newbourn baby being pushed by his squeaking mother. I kissed him and called him up because I allowed myself. too. Thankfully, i chose the right place to be abroad and I encounter the right person. 

If you grow up in the United States, it can be very easy to have no perspective on living in a culture dominated by art and media from another country. Some music from around the world seeps into mainstream American culture, but it’s never dominant, and music from abroad is made with the understanding that you have to cater to the American market to be a big star. Americans are used to the rest of the world bending over backwards to blend in with their culture, and think nothing of foreign stars from ABBA and Björk to Shakira and Phoenix singing in their second language to appeal to the English-speaking world. Americans are almost never asked to adapt, and very rarely have to feel as though their culture is being infiltrated by the value systems of foreign nations.

Lorde’s “Royals” Isn’t Anti-Rap, It’s Anti-Imperialism

I wrote about Lorde’s hit, and how it’s mainly about the experience of having weird values from another culture enter your life through pop music.

(via perpetua)

"That person"

Sometimes it’s crazy how you just know exactly who you want to be with. SO many fish out there but once you find the ONE, you just know it. You know it because “that person” makes you happy; you giggle when you talk to “that person”, that “that person” won’t judge for what you said, and will laugh when ”that person” knows that you think ”that person” is judging you and be like “go ahead, it’s fine.”. You know ”that person” is the ONE even if “that person” might not end up being the one you marry to, but, still, you don’t care. You just want to hold on to every moment with ”that person”. When you are travelling abroad, especially, you want to hold ”that person” close and tell ”that person” how nice it would be to sleep next to ”that person”; to snuggle with ”that person”; and to watch ”that person” falls asleep. 

You don’t know if that’s going to last forever, but at that moment you have everything in the world a human being can get. ”That person” is so easy to get along with. You feel asexual with ”that person” because it’s more than just the physical lust. It’s also the spiritual connection, the mutual goofiness, and the similar kind of ambitions. 

You feel stressless talking to ”that person” on skype, on facetime, or in person. You still feel a bit nervous because of the feelings and affection you have towards “that person”. You know if you two do hang out again, it would be fun, chill and real . You and ”that person” are so different; and yet, so similar that you both share similar core values. You and ”that person” are pretty much on the same page of the most important things. You and ”that person” are growing together, see things differently than most of the people you meet in class, on the street, or while you are travelling. 

You miss ”that person” all the time, but that’s ok coz that’s the most normal thing in the world you could do when you are vaguely in love. Maybe not in love, but it;s just because you don’t know it yet, and that you and ”that person” are not at the same place right now. 

When ”that person” told you ”that person” might be seeing someone, you are not worried at all. Because if ”that person” does work out with the other person, that’s mean “that person” is not the ONE for you. But if not, ”that person” will always come back to you because you are special to ”that person”. The freedom of love and to choose is a great radar, actually. 

I want to say i love ”that person” already but i can’t yet. But i def like hearing from ”that person”, talking to ”that person” and seeing ”that person“‘s face pops up on my laptop. Even though ”that person” is far from reach, hearing ”that person“‘s voice and ”that person“‘s laugh always make me happy. Are these good explanations/definitions for soul mates?

Listening to Sublime while at work

I guess I am getting tired of constantly pondering over what I want to do evenutally once I graduate. I stopped thinking about my future career like three days ago. I can’t let my brain overload with shit like this.

I am totally going to play guitar once I am down with the couchsurfing social event today. I have a lot in mind and I need to use blog as a way to help my thinking flows. Btw, my feet stinks.

Today is like one of the usual days, I got done with what Karl needed me to do every day about the cash flow thing, which is basically no difference from database entry. It gets more and more boring when time passes. The first day I was so grateful that I finally got some work to do. But human beings are by nature selfish bitches. Obviously, I am not content with that since I am still given the same work every day. I guess it’s better than nothing but I would still like some diversity in work.

No longer looking forward to seeing the cute guy at work since he no longer passes by where I sit anymore nor does he runs into me as often as before anymore. Other than feeling a little bitter, I can’t really find another feeling towards it. Also, I am no longer looking forward to seeing Justin’s message anymore. Well, not exactly not any more but more like less looking forward to his response. It has already been a few days since I sent him the message. Normally I won;t freak out xoz i am cool with giving him time. But I think probably I haven’t been feeling him as much anymore I assume his is feeling the same, which is not feeling much about me anymore. Am I upset? Granted, a little bit. Is this unexpected? Not at all. Like a I said, I have been secretly and unconsciously waiting for this day to come. He has either met another girl, or I am already outta his life. I know it’s selfish to want to have him around even though I don’t really have feelings for him anymore. I just enjoy being needed or being thought of. I need someone thinking about me to prove my existence. I am so pathetic. I really hope the confusion i am having right now will diminish as time goes by.

So yeah, I kind of miss him but I am not sure about us being together again. He might very possibly seeing other girls. But it’s okay. Whether I will meet a guy or not in Germany or somewhere else, his life belongs to his.

I still need to think about the classes I should take for the coming semester. I need to make sure my German visa is going to be ready by the time I leave. I need to go get checked and I need to call the airline to confirm the date. Also, i need to think of the classes I ‘d like to take for the next semester. I need to check all my emails.

I need to further develop my hobbies. As if now, they are playing guitar and drawing.

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